Hold my beer: News May 2020

You’re probably wondering why we reviewed that movie, all out of the blue, last week. Well this blog figured that, since we were forced to miss spring break this year, it would be nice to bring some of that spring break spirit to our review-scape. And what’s more spring break in spirit than the sorority? By which, of course, I mean the sorority thriller?

All through May, this blog will be reviewing only films that have “sorority” in their title. In addition to “sorority” neatly capturing the campus feel, there weren’t nearly as many movies with the word “fraternity” in their title. Maybe that’s sexist, but it’s the world we live in. That means we’ll be reviewing both “Sorority Row” and “The House on Sorority Row,” but we’ll miss out on such classics as “Hell Night,” “The Initiation,” “Delta Delta Die” and “The Coed and the Zombie Stoner.” Regardless, I suspect that both this blog and its readership will survive.

By a strange coincidence, all the films we’re reviewing are also available to stream for free on Tubi, which isn’t compensating me in the slightest. In fact, given this blog’s reputation, they should probably be paying me to not review their films. Now there’s a monetization idea…

What’s that you say, tonstant weader? Spring break happened months ago, and it’s way too late to be doing something like this now? Look, Roger Corman’s birthday was at the beginning of last month, and we didn’t remember to review one of his films until the end of April, so what’s your point?

Besides, time is a construct, one that is largely socially perceived. That should be obvious by now, given how much time we’ve spent indoors and how the days have blurred together. If nothing else, that should be your one metaphysical takeaway this year. Class dismissed.

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